A Good Listener ?

My 19-year-old daughter is currently trekking around Europe. She and her friend are travelling by rail through 8 countries in the space of just over three weeks.

I spoke to her today. She was effervescent and enthused by her experiences. She talked at length about how much I would enjoy the experiences she is and how every country becomes her new favourite. It was the first time in a week that we had spoken. Normally at home, we talk daily but in a far less animated or in depth manner.

As she spoke, I smiled and listened. I was also conscious that the meal I had prepared was ready to serve and she obviously didn't know this. I found myself asking questions that enabled me to speak rather than just listen to her. I found myself trying to seize control of a conversation where I should have just shut up and listened.

This got me thinking.

How often do I weigh up the desire to speak against the exercise of listening? How often do I value talking over listening? Do I de-value my friendships or relationships because I don't always value what others have to say?

I have a head full of information. I collect info, facts, trivia and regurgitate this on occasions. Sometimes I will do so rather than hear what others have to say. I have always considered that on the whole, I am a good listener. I trained as a psychiatric nurse many years ago. We spent the first year of our training, learning our observational skills. Listening was seen as a vital cornerstone of those skills. To get an accurate understanding of a person’s needs, you must be able to listen to that person. It isn't just about your response, your interventions, your actions. It is as much about what you can learn, absorb, understand which helps you to respond appropriately.

It's also a respect issue. To value others opinions, stories makes you a better friend/partner/colleague/lover. I'm not saying I am a bad person who doesn't listen to others but there are times when I should listen better. There are times when I shouldn't offer any words other than 'I understand' or 'I hear what you say'. People don't always want you to provide answers. Your friend. child, partner may just want to speak and for you to just listen.

It's as simple as that.



I won't always get it right. I will give my opinion maybe a few times too many. I may not remember to keep my mouth shut and open my ears to my friend, child, loved one. Because that's what is needed. Listening is very underrated. I will strive to be a better listener. Please bear with me on this and feel free to tell me to shut up occasionally!